What I really should be doing is working on this proofreading I have due on Monday. It’s 8:30 p.m. and I’ve already wasted the whole evening between the gym, a run to Best Buy to get ink cartridges, and a trip to the grocery store. (Usually grocery shopping is quite a drag, but I enjoyed the Fred Meyer tonight.) Instead here I am, ready to get some stuff out of my chest. Maybe cry a little (more).
It’s been almost two years since my last trip home and the closer summer gets, the faster my battery drains. I’m a bit ashamed to admit it (I’m 37 after all), but I need a break from being amatxu. I’m tired. I am ready to be that totally spoiled daughter again for a while. I want to be the one going: “Ama, have you ironed my shirt? Ama, what’s for lunch? Ama, can you make tortilla de patata for dinner? Ama, can you fix this button?” You get my drift. I just want to get on the first plane out of Boise and go. Too bad this having a job, my own kids, and bills to pay kind of gets in the way.
The first few years in Boise were tough. I had to get used to a different way of life, different pace, different people. I thought it’d be a matter of time and that I’d soon be used to it all. Sure I got used to a lot of things, and I learned how to enjoy what this city and its people have to offer. However, 14 years later and I still often feel like the foreigner I am. I miss my family just as hard as when I first came. I realized long time ago that this would never change, no matter how many years go by. I’ll always feel a bit out of place, and I will never stop missing my family. And so some days (today is obviously one of those days), are harder than others. I think, “how the hell am I going to spend another 14, 15, 20 years feeling like I do today?” and I’m freaking myself out. Luckily, I’ve been here before and I know it will pass.
Damn, 10:00 pm. Oh, well… I feel much better already. Who do I owe $100 for the counseling session?
- Murphy’s Law
- What distance