I spent all last week training on DFEs (Digital Front Ends) for the Indigo Digital presses with the other two new hires. Yea, yea, yea, I know. What do you guys care, right? And I was even sick for most of the week, which didn’t help with focusing, but the trainer is good, and that helped.
We studied hard, but found time to relax as well. Che, one of the other trainees, loves YouTube and kept finding videos for us to enjoy. One of them rendered me speechless (a near impossible feat) about some Brazilian guy who underwent plastic surgery to get fake muscles.
See for yourselves. (And I’m sorry.)
After coming out of shock, I started to think about all the things that are wrong with this video. Apart from the tennis balls on his neck, shoulders and biceps, and the continuous shuffling accompanied by that smug expression on his face like he was cool or something, what really had me mesmerized was the boob-jerking demonstration. Dude, let me tell you a secret: that’s what happens when your implants go underneath the muscle, ok? Believe me, I know. It’s got nothing to do with being ripped. Then, isn’t the whole point of getting a boob job to have nice boobs that people don’t know are new until you tell them? Unless you’re a porn start, maybe. I don’t know. I am not very familiar with their policies, as I have never seriously considered that type of work as a career option. I guess I’m not as open as I thought I was and I’d feel really weird if my friends could look that deep into my soul. They always seem to be having a great time, though. Not my friends, porn stars.
Anyway, where was I? Oh, yeah. Boob-man. I mean, this is so wrong in so many levels. I kept looking at the video and feeling like there was something missing. Yes, intelligence, but no, it was something else. And then it hit me. Where the hell are his nipples? After taking a closer look I found them hidden underneath his breasts. So wrong.
Look, I’m the last person to criticize another one for having work done. Sometimes your body get’s screwed up having kids or losing a bunch of weight, and no amount of exercise is going to get rid of the stretch marks and make your boobs look good again. One time I was watching Extreme Make-Over and I saw this guy getting butt implants. His pants kept falling off, he said, even with the belt on, and he’d had enough. He must have felt kind of like I did when I realized that my Wonder-bra had lost it’s magic powers.
I’m pretty sure video boy didn’t mean to have a boob-job when he went into surgery; he just wanted bigger pecs. Luckily for him, he seems oblivious to the surgeon’s mistake.