Spam handling 101: How to break down a scammer

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You know those emails you get sometimes which reek of spam from a mile away? Those messages that promise you an inheritance from the Prince of Nigeria or millions from that lottery ticket that turned out a winner but you never bought? Yes, they are annoying and an insult to the intelligence, and most of us delete them with a sigh as soon as they hit our inbox.

However, there are people like my friend Diana, for example, who decide they might as well have a little fun with these idiots and turn the tables on the nasty scammers until they break down.

I don’t know what bothered me more though, that he tried to get money out of my friend, or that he LOL-ed (ugh) in his final message, admitting defeat after being so beautifully played and manhandled. And please, PLEASE, pay attention to Tyrion’s postal code!

Enjoy!

From: mata taylor
To: Diana Arbiser
Sent: Thursday, June 26, 2014 7:44 PM
Subject: Re: Translator Needed ASAP

Hello, I am Mata Taylor, I got your e mail address from a online forum that you are an excellent translator, I guess you would have worked for them. I will like you to translate an article for me, but first i need to know your language combination because it was not stated. I will be very happy if you can reply my e mail ASAP.

Thank You

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From: Diana Arbiser
To: mata taylor
Sent: Thursday, June 26, 2014 7:44 PM
Subject: Re: Translator Needed ASAP

My language pair is Klingon > Dothraki.

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From: mata taylor
To: Diana Arbiser
Sent: Thursday, June 26, 2014 7:44 PM
Subject: Re: Translator Needed ASAP

Thank You very much for the reply, that is the language combination i was looking for. I have attached the document to you, i want it to be translated into Dothraki. Please let me know the total cost of translating the article

Thank You.

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From: Diana Arbiser
To: mata taylor
Sent: Friday, June 27, 2014 2:37 AM
Subject: Re: Translator Needed ASAP

Dear Ms./Mr. Taylor,

The document you submitted is not written in Klingon but in what appears to be English. In order for me to translate it from Klingon>Dothraki, I would first need an English>Klingon translation. Do you think you could provide that? Otherwise, I can suggest a local translator who works in that language pair. His fees are US$1,230 (one thousand two hundred and thirty US Dollars) per word.

Once he completes the English>Klingon translation, I could then proceed to do the Klingon>Dothraki translation that you request. My fees are €279.70 (two hundred and seventy nine Euros with 70 cents) per word. Needless to say, you should add the applicable VAT, which can range from 6% to 21%, depending on the answer that you get after completing the “What Planet of the Galactic Empire Should You Live in?” questionnaire. You can find it, together with other equally amusing questionnaires, in Facebook. Or Twitter– I’m not quite sure here.

Please, let me know if these fees are agreeable, and also what’s your deadline.

Sincerely,

Tyrion Lannister

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From:  mata taylor
To: Diana Arbiser
Sent: Friday, June 27, 2014 19:10 PM
Subject: Re: Translator Needed ASAP

Please can i know the total in dollars

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From: Diana Arbiser
To: mata taylor
Sent: Thursday, June 26, 2014 7:44 PM
Subject: Re: Translator Needed ASAP

US$ 1,369,440.73 + tax. But paid in Euros.

T. L.

From: mata taylor <matataylor000@gmail.com>
To: Diana Arbiser <dianarbiser@yahoo.com>
Sent: Friday, June 27, 2014 7:45 PM
Subject: Re: Translator Needed ASAP

Thank You very much for the reply, I am pleased with your price, Payment will be made by check, i will need your full name and address so i can issue out your payment.

Thank You

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From: Diana Arbiser
To: mata taylor
Sent: Friday, June 28, 2014 5:14 PM
Subject: Re: Translator Needed ASAP

My name, as I have already mentioned, is Tyrion Lannister
My temporary address is: 31415 The Shire, Xyzzy, Alderan
Postal Code: Y0ur455h013

You didn’t clarify your deadline for this job. Translating Klingon to Dothraki is pretty exhausting, and I estimate it could take me as much as a cosmological decade, give or take. Would that be acceptable?

Thanks.

P.S. Please, make sure the check is in Euros, as I requested before.

T.L

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From: mata taylor <matataylor000@gmail.com>
To: Diana Arbiser <dianarbiser@yahoo.com>
Sent: Friday, June 27, 2014 10:35 PM
Subject: Re: Translator Needed ASAP

LOL

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