A Basque in Boise

Every douche has a silver lining


Yes, I went ahead and responded to one of those Men seeking Women ads on Craigslist, hoping that maybe this time we’d hit it off and go on to have the best FWB relationship ever – every other week. Opening up to someone hasn’t worked out for me the way I’d hoped, so I thought I try the easy stuff. That way, when we part ways, he won’t be taking a part of me.

The guy sounded nice; not too graphic but to the point. A nicely worded ad with no spelling errors, which in itself is a rare find on that site. He turned out to be German (the Jewish side, I’m afraid, from the looks of him), but I’m no Claudia Schiffer, so we were even.

I was already on guard following our short email exchange. After a few back and forth messages he asked if I had time to meet tonight. Sure, I was at the Starbucks on Franklin with at least a half hour to spare. His response? “Let’s meet somewhere off Broadway better, it’s closer to where I live.” Oh, good for you! But “The mall area is closer to where I live,” I said, and so to the Starbucks he came.

I had to make a quick run to TJ Maxx before our meeting because I hadn’t planned on coloring my hair until tomorrow and I needed some sort of hat to cover my gray .

At least he was punctual. But that was the extent of this guy’s charm. I don’t know, maybe he was still jet-lagged from his 2-week trip to Germany and forgot his good manners and basic respect towards another human being. Who starts texting in front of a date? It is one thing if a friend of mine does it, but are you seriously going to stare at your phone while talking to me the first time we meet? C’mon, how much less of an effort can you put into a first date? Especially considering the type of outcome you’re trying to achieve!

Against my best judgement, I give this guy the benefit of the doubt and try to make small talk. I mention I was in Ludwigshafen once. Obviously, I butcher the name so I have to show him how it’s written. His face lights up with recognition and says, “Ah! Ludwigshafen!”, in perfect German. “Isn’t that what just I said?”, I joke. He looks at me dead serious and says, “No, maybe you think that’s what you said, but you didn’t.” Are you fucking kidding me? A tomato is funnier than this guy. I would have blamed this on his being German, but I  happen to have a few German friends and I know they are a riot.

So anyway, about five minutes into the meeting I already know there is no chance in hell this is going to work. But polite as I am, I wait at least 15 more minutes to tell him. Why waste our time when the chemistry is clearly not there. Unfazed, he looks at me and says, “Ok, can I call my friend now, then?” Like it was a problem to ignore me before.

On the flip side, I got a cute Ralph Lauren beanie out of the ordeal, which I’m sure I’ll put to good use this winter. What’s even even better, he made me write on the blog again! That’s how much he sucked.

Thanks for passing by: ↓

Antonio Vérdiny Anastasia Aldecoa Miren Lee

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