A Basque in Boise

Tougher Than The Rest (cont’d)

tougher-than-the-restI can finally feel my old self pushing through, determined and ready to come out of this dark and agonizing place where it’s been stuck for the last few months. I’m just now starting to enjoy my promotion at work, and it’s already been five weeks since my boss called with the job offer!

Looking back, I could have behaved somewhat differently. Of course, making decisions in hindsight it’s always easier, albeit useless. All the “ifs” in the world will not change one thing about the past. And who knows? Maybe what I took from this mess will come in handy in the future. Maybe the timing was wrong. Maybe it was never meant to be.

I think we got caught up in the moment, blinded by the novelty of it all, and thought that our feelings couldn’t possibly change. Mine haven’t, but his did – something I refused to accept for the longest time. Now that I had time to adjust and I’m able to think about it more rationally, I realize that the writing was probably on the wall way before I came back to Boise.

But what can I say? I’m an optimist with a positive outlook on life. I rather find solutions than focus on the obstacles. If something doesn’t work, then I think about alternatives. I was told last week, and I quote: “How could YOU be daft enough to even entertain the idea that a relationship with someone who lives in a different country is going to work?” Harsh! Still, I rather be “daft” and try than wonder forever what could have been.

If only we’d have had more time together to figure us out, to explore our personalities, our communication styles, our past experiences, and how they would influence the present. But we only knew each other on the surface. If I had known in advance what makes him reel and what puts him at ease, maybe things would have been different. But see? There I go again with that word: “If”. Nothing I can do to change it now.

I have no idea what the future holds, but I’m excited about it now that I can think about something other than him. It still hurts, I’m not going to lie, but it no longer feels like I’m drowning. I would love for he and I to stay friends, as he is really fun to talk to and I always learned something from our chats. Hopefully, he didn’t lock the door when he closed it.

Thanks for passing by: ↓

Steven María Sesma

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