A Basque in Boise

Stuck

Other than sharing whatever Basque related news I can find, one of my favorite things about having a blog is being able to express my thoughts in writing. Not only am I forced to think about the issue at hand, but it also helps relieve anxiety when I finally get them out in the open. Even if I don’t publish the post and just keep it in my drafts, having to structure the mess in my head has proven to be very useful.

Unfortunately, there is a not-so-wonderful side to keeping a record of your past experiences. I don’t usually go back and read my old posts —I get embarrassed and I have to fight the urge to delete them— but I did today. It was quite the eye-opener. You see, I thought of myself as someone who always marches ahead, who does her best to change the things in life that don’t bring joy or are stressful.

As it turns out, though, I’m still dealing today with much of the same shit I was struggling against a couple of years ago. I had to do a double take on the dates, as some of the posts I could have written this week, pretty much word for word. Apparently, I am not as good at changing as I thought I was. I’ll have to change that too. Crap.

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4 thoughts on “Stuck

  1. Lee Cornell

    And right at that moment when you think “crap” is when you should dig deeper and see what this trait is that seems to define you. Maybe wanting change that really isn’t “you” is precisely the problem. I find that sometimes I’m my worst critic and right in that moment that I’m disappointed with that lack of change, I’m not respecting how uniquely imperfect my perfect me is. Why we are so hard on our own reality is probably the effect of comparing where we are at to unrealistic goals. It’s more than perfect to be imperfectly you! We don’t want things to always change!

  2. A Basque in Boise Post author

    I just don’t want the things that were bringing me down two years ago be the things that still bring me down today. And I only have myself to blame for that. That’s what I want to change. Thank you for reading and for your take on it. Maybe next time you organize a girls night out I can actually go!

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